The Soundtrack to My Life

Everyone has a soundtrack to their life. The experiences that you have gone through and the struggles you have faced, have helped mold and shaped you into who you are today. Painful or joyful, they all have an impact on our life.

Erik Erikson believed that each person passes through eight stages of development over their life span.

1. Trust-vs.-Mistrust        Birth-1.5 yrs

Right after I was born, my mom went back to work, so my dad took me to a babysitter. Unknown to them, the babysitter had an older child that would scream, yell, and take out his anger at me. I felt all alone. During this time, an infant needs to be loved and nurtured, but because I could not resolve this issue, I became insecure and mistrustful. This has been a painful struggle that I continually have dealt with all my life. It is hard for me to trust people. I have had to “start over again” to love freely. 

2. Autonomy-vs.-Shame-and-Doubt      1.5-3yrs
When I was around three years old, my mom quit her job to take care of me. She was astonished to find that I was very undisciplined and spanked me at least ten times a day for a year straight. It was in her love, that she wanted me to be trained rightly. This was a training time of mush self-control that has carried with me into my later years. Also, this time was a growth in confidence, as I became more confident in my Mom’s love and also in myself in the simple accomplishments that I could do well.

3. Initiative-vs.-Guilt      3-6yrs

In this time, I was severely shy of people and always hid behind my mother. I would be afraid to try new things, so I mostly decided to not participate. This issue never was resolved, so fear has haunted me most of my life. Also, at this stage of my life, I felt very controlled by my friends to fit into their mold of how they wanted me to be. Although, even when I tried, I was never good enough, causing me to experience a major backstab of rejection from my best friend as she ran off with another friend.

4. Industry-vs.-Inferiority      6-12yrs

 I continually won prizes for good behavior and at home, my mom taught us about character, so she developed a board, where we could earn stars and then at the end of the week buy something at the dollar store. I won this prize several times. I went to school for one year at a private school, and while there, received awards for the highest scores of all my class in all of the subjects except math. I also competed in speech and won a superior award. My art painting also was entered in a contest and received an award.  

5. Identity-vs.-role-confusion      12-20yrs

I was constantly asking myself- “Who I am?” I had a major stage of time that I had decided to dress simple, which I thought there was nothing wrong with-although to everyone else, I looked like a “pioneer”. After I tried out a couple of different styles, I finally came to realize eventually that I had trapped the “real me” inside and had caged it up. So I started letting “me” come out slowly to be free: a little makeup there, a new change in outfit there, and soon I grew until who I really loved being fully bloomed beautifully.

6. Intimacy vs. Isolation     20-35yrs

This is a hard time in my life, as everyone around me is getting married or engaged. That is not in the plan for me right now. I want to finish college first, which is an another two years, and then perhaps pursue my Masters. I want to go teach and make a difference in children’s lives and travel across the world. I have always had to handle much responsibility as a child and have not been able to go fulfill dreams. So I feel that it is a different path that I am walking on than my close friends. 

7. Generativity vs. Stagnation     35-65yrs

I hope to be happily married and have kids of my own and soon to be reaching grandparenthood. I know that my family will keep me very busy and I will enjoy greatly being a mom. I want to be involved in people’s lives and giving them love. I want to surround myself around others, and be involved in event planning and hosting, as I know that in a community, can we best grow. Our happiness is not found in things, but in sharing them with others. I hope to lead plays and dramas perhaps and work always with kids. 

8. ego Integrity vs. Despair     65-death

My life to me is worthless unless it was led by love. I could accomplish something great, but unless it was done in love, it would be meaningless to me. I want my life motto to be all about loving the people in my life and whoever I may meet. Then, life is sweetest to me and well lived. I would have peace and know that what I came to do was fulfilled. It has also always been my dream to be a grandma, so that I can pass out cookies to the neighborhood children and be loving toward them.